For the sake of starving you of details, I will leave it at this: I went as low as one can get – so low that I could almost feel the fanning of Hell’s flames beneath my body. And though we spoke for a year following the break-up, and though she did forgive me (verbally and hopefully emotionally), like many people I never got around to forgiving myself, and that is the focus of this post: why do we hang onto our faults so much more than our achievements?

Forgiveness Without Favor

Like most men my age (if 28-years-old is a “man” in your eyes, and if so, God bless you…) I have an intrinsic and insentient need to engage the opposite sex; it is simply nature. We are social creatures, and we require certain things. But what happens when you are unable to fulfill those assets because you choose to blame yourself for that which is already forgiven? “Unforgiven” is the only way to describe it, and I am not alone. There is a complex called “Forgiveness Without Favor syndrome”, and it means simply: not forgiving oneself because they feel they may have done something so horrible that to move on would be (for lack of better words) dangerous.

This is indeed the case. It is not quite self-loathing, yet miles from forgiveness. Why we do this is because we have an instinctual need to “shut down” when we begin to associate one thing with danger to others, and that is what I am going through. It was an emotional break-up that was made “emotional” because of my actions, and it is hard to forgive yourself when you associate the opposite sex with pain. This is a common issue; over 72% of people ages 24-35 are unable to fully accept forgiveness from themselves for at least one event in their lives. The most common is found in my tale: cheating.

The Girl I Never Called

This is not to say we do not try to move forward. I have flirted back and forth but I never close the deal. Why? It is because the relationship forms before actually knowing the person, which is an issue common to those who have been through the fathom of divorce (i.e. me): we rush into things based on emotion, which is not a completely bad thing; to have such emotional energy is astounding, albeit, fascinating. But it does not help when you are also grieving a relationship.

I did get one young lady’s phone number. I never called. I wanted to, but every time I tried I could feel my ex staring over my shoulder. It is honestly the most painfully-cinematic feeling one can have, second to clairvoyance (third to respecting Donald Trump). It is not a fact, but I do propose it as a pseudo-theory: a relationship can be grieved, much like a death. But just like a death, we must learn to grieve the process rationally. Actually, that is bad advice. The more irrational, the better.

Grieving A Relationship

Yes, it’s a thing! The loss of a relationship can trigger the same emotional response as grieving a death. In both cases, you are mourning a loss, and it goes to show how incredibly systematic our minds are: we place relational pain on the same emotional level as death of a loved one, and sometimes to the same sense of tenacity.  The theory of “Broken Heart Syndrome” is alive and well (it is called “cardiomyopathy” and it means that the loss of a relationship – including a broken heart – can quite literally kill you). Yes, you can die from a broken heart, and it is because the brain has to rewire itself in a matter of seconds, trying to wrap itself around the concept of this person no longer being a lover (much like losing a family member or a friend). The brain goes into shock, and causes the heart to stop.

So how do we get over this? We have to remember that grieving a death requires the grieving process, which is a series of five steps that follow a death: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. For some reason, it is often harder to reach “acceptance” and easier to get stuck in “depression” when it is a relationship involving a different set of hormones. There is no easy answer to the question: how do we heal? How do we forgive ourselves for the things we do for love? Well, it’s a simple answer after all: we must understand that just like mourning a death, mourning a relationship can take years, and I know one thing and one thing only: that my grieving will soon cease, and I will be able to accept love again without guilt.

If you are suffering the grieving of a relationship, contact me.

iLookin.com has some great tips for you so you can move on and find love again.

The post Why We Refuse To Forgive Ourselves: Relationships appeared first on iLookin.com.

Why do I word it so harshly? It is a simple answer after all: because “passing away” leaves one left in the grip of denial, whereas accepting that death is a natural part of life brings you closer to those you have lost. Unfortunately, we will all experience the process of death, but an astounding amount of people barely understand it. This is because most of us grow up hearing fluff words: “Oh, he/she passed away,” or “They are no longer with us.” When I was a child my grandfather passed away, and it took me three days before I even heard the word, “Death,” and it was ironically the mention of such a word that brought me back to reality.

Fear of Immortality

Benjamin Franklin once said: “Fear not death, for the sooner we die, the longer we shall be immortal.” And is that not the truth? Though this does not mean pursue damaging or neglectful behaviors, it does show that for as long as time remembers, death has been seen as an enemy rather than a natural process of life. When someone ceases to live (again, I use a euphemism – don’t ever do that) they are following a natural order of life and death. Though it is painful, that is the point.

Think about it. What brings us closer to the idea of life than witnessing death? What thrusts us further into the light than the darkness that waits around every corner? Any second could be our last, but that thought should not scare us. Rather, it should invigorate us. To die means you have lived, and that is where I bring up the concept of reverence. If we can accept without fear that death is going to occur one day, perhaps we can live better lives knowing that our last moment could be any second.

Don’t Lose Them

They say there are five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.

I disagree, because there is a sixth step, and that sixth step keeps our loved ones alive even in death. I call it “reverence,” which is merely a spiritual way of saying, “honoring.” When my family member slipped into death, everybody crept around the idea of mentioning him. It seemed almost as if everybody was so viscerally consumed in preparing for the funeral (ironically a marker of a person’s life consumes us to the point where we forget to think about the dead in question).

However, it was after the funeral that we met at the loved one’s home and we began to share our stories. And through tears, laughter, smiles, frowns, and a whirlwind of other emotions, we were able to slip from denial to acceptance – almost bypassing the three steps in between. Does this mean that perhaps we can find a way to lose less of the dead simply by talking about them? I do think this is the case. You see, when one dies they are not gone; you do not have to be religious or spiritual for this to make sense. Your memories, thoughts, and – if you are lucky enough to have had them – stories about that person are there to keep them alive, even in death.

Wise Words

Hunter Patch Adams was a well-known doctor, and was portrayed in the film: “Patch Adams” by Robin Williams. He was most known for treating the ill at his home, visiting hospitals with no intention other than to cheer up those in need and in pain, and for the true-to-life speech he gave when finally accused of practicing medicine without the proper licensing. When asked what he would have done if someone had died under his care, he responded quaintly: “What’s wrong with death? What are we so mortally afraid of?” And he is right in saying, “Why can’t we treat death with a sense of dignity and integrity and God forbid, maybe even humor?”

In other words, we worry so much about avoiding death that we forget to enjoy the time in between. We have one life to live, and we must make the most of it. When you are on your death bed, ask yourself – right now – what you would want. There is a saying that circles around Workaholics Anonymous meetings: “No one is ever on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work.” What would you die for, and what would you like to be remembered for?

I Bid Farewell

So to Nick Mesa, I bid farewell. I wish I had known you better, but even in death your spirit will always breathe through the loving memories of those who cared about you (including the hundred or so people who flew in from all across the country to attend your funeral). Though I have little recollection of ever knowing you, loving with you, crying with you, or even something as simple as talking to you, I do know one thing (and it is the only thing I need): I love you.

The post My Story On Grieving: The Process Revealed appeared first on iLookin.com.

Well, let us start with a definition. The 2% Mindset is a theory (and a fact) that states that only 2% of people are living life without limits. Individuals who belong to the 2% Mindset are those who say “yes” to opportunities, live outside of their comfort zone, and pursue their dreams with great success. In fact, that mere 2% accounts for 90% of Fortune 500 CEOs!

An Example

To join the ranks of the 2% Mindset, you must learn to live outside of your comfort zone. Instead of working a day job, start a business – even if one on the side. Don’t know how to start a business? Learn! That is what 2% “Mindsetters” do: they look for ways to do something new and exciting, and when they are unable to do it on their own, they are willing to take the time and effort to learn it.

The Best Advice

The best advice is to begin changing your mindset. Taking the above example, starting a business can be the most exhilarating experience of your life; it may also tire you to the point of burn-out. But a 2% Mindsetter would look at this challenge as an adventure rather than a chore. That is because these individuals need to be constantly engaged by life, and through whatever means.

Be Uncomfortable

If you are part of the remaining 98%, you need to learn how to be uncomfortable in your decisions. That is the key to the 2% Mindset: stepping out of your comfort zone, regardless of what the situation may be. Of course, recognize red flags and warning bells, but take a lesson from the movie, “Yes Man”: say yes to everything, as when you say “yes” you open the door for possibilities. That is the ultimate way to live life: doing so much with your day that you open up doorways that lead to even more doorways!

Why Uncomfortable?

Why is being uncomfortable necessary in this transition to a 2% Mindsetter? It is because as human beings we are hardwired to pursue safety, meaning comfort. However, this instinct is based on the primordial portion of the brain that is trying to protect you from harm and to ensure survival. But in our world, this instinct can actually hold a lot of a person’s potential for expansion. If you want a better life with a better outcome (and therefore, a better future), you have to ignore this survival instinct and start looking at life as an endless plethora of opportunity!

Want Help?

Check out www.iLookin.com to access our module: “Learn To Say ‘Yes’ To Opportunities,” and contact us if you wish to receive help in becoming a 2% Mindsetter. We are always available to assist, and we are professionals who all live by the 2% Mindset principle, so you are in good hands. You may also reach us at Info@iLookin.com if you require immediate assistance.

The post The 2% Mindset: Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone appeared first on iLookin.com.

I remember buying my first gun (from this point onward, I will call them “markers” – which is the correct terminology) and my first game. I will never forget that day, for it was not only the beginning of something great; it was also the day I began my progression toward a confident, proud and wonderful life. And it is not just paintball; it is every sport. They promote teamwork, leadership, communication, and so much more!

The Science

(The following is borrowed from MUHealth.org)

Many athletes do better academically.
Playing a sport requires a lot of time and energy. Some may think this would distract student-athletes from schoolwork. However, the opposite is true. Sports require memorization, repetition, and learning — skillsets that are directly relevant to classwork. Also, the determination and goal-setting skills sports require can be transferred to the classroom.

Sports teach teamwork and help achieve goals. 
Fighting for a common goal with a host of other players, coaches, managers and community members teaches you how to build a collective team synergy and effectively communicate the best way to solve problems en route to a victory. This will be very helpful in life when encountering problems at work, at home, or in any arena.

Sports offer many health benefits, some less obvious.
Clearly, sports will improve your fitness and weight goals. However, they also encourage healthy decisions such as not smoking or drinking and offer hidden health benefits such as a lower chance of getting osteoporosis or breast cancer later in life. Also, a team counting on you to show up and work hard is plenty of motivation for you to get to the gym day in and day out.

Sports boost self-esteem. 
Watching your hard work pay off and achieving your dreams brings about tons of self-confidence. If you can achieve something in a sport or with a fitness goal, then you know you can achieve any other goal you set. This is a very rewarding and exciting process.

Playing a sport cuts down on pressure and stress.
Exercising is a natural way to loosen up and let go of stress. Also, you will most likely make many new friends on the team who can be there for you as a support system. When you find you are having a lot of stress, you can call up teammates and head to the gym to talk it out and play it out.

What I Learned

Two years into recreational paintball, I began playing tournament paintball, which retired itself for several years before making a recent comeback. This is not the kind of paintball where you find yourself crawling around in the woods. I am talking about 2,000 paintballs in the air at any given time, markers blasting up to 14 paintballs a second, and a simple objective: eliminate the opposing team, and grab their flag. Though so many people seem to have this negative connotation of paintball as a “war game,” the truth of the matter is it is just as much of a sport as football. Studies even indicate that there are more accidents involving golf than there are in paintball!

Leadership

I was always forming teams to play with weekly, and we competed in numerous tournaments over several years. We became a Semi-Pro team, and that is where the learning began. When you enter tournament paintball, you are signing on the dotted line to commit yourself fully to the sport; that is just how the environment of tournament paintball works. Always being the team captain provided me with a skill I was never very good at: leadership. My job was to strategize the location of each team member, their job, what bunker to cover, what obstacle to jump over, what lane (a spot between bunkers where you are in the open) to lay paintballs onto…it became second nature.

Communication

Paintball relies on constant communication. You must be in tune with your teammates, and I have theorized that of all the sports in existence, paintball is the one where communication begets success. You tell someone to move up one bunker, and suddenly you are now responsible for them. But that is what good comes from it: imagine the feeling you get when you send someone into the gut of the beast, only to see them succeed by taking out the entire opposing team…and though they are credited with the success, it was you who initiated it. This is true of many sports, though when you look at the standard sport such as football or soccer, there is very little chit-chat.

Teamwork

Teamwork is essential in today’s world. A marketing executive relies on his team to come up with the next great idea. If we were all alone in our decisions – whether business or personal – we would never progress. From paintball (and this goes for all other team-oriented sports and activities) I learned the value of working together. Take the above example of telling a teammate when to move up one slot on the field. You are all working toward a common goal: to win the match, but to do that you have to know where the opposition is; you need to know when to move because someone has to lay down cover for you. These are just a few examples of how teamwork can be taught through sports.

Confidence

Before paintball, I was a shy kid. After ten years with the sport, I ended up owning my high school on both an academic and social level. It was almost ethereal, though in retrospect I realize that this sense of pride and confidence (something most individuals in high school lack) did not just appear; it was conditioned. There are moments where I can recall my exact moves during a paintball match, and recalling the successes (and equally, the failures) puts a smile on my face. This is the case with sports and activities: they promote a feeling of high self-worth. You shoot out an enemy player and you get a feeling of accomplishment; you successfully pass the football and make the winning touchdown, and you jump for joy. Sports are the epicenter of confidence!

Conclusion

I believe every adolescent should embark on a voyage of self-discovery in whatever manner they choose. However, I do feel that sports and activities that require the above facets are the reasons why the underdog becomes a leader. 75 percent of Fortune 500 company CEOs believe that physical activity (among them, sports) is one of the most important factors for success, and some even attribute it as the very cause of their success in the first place. In essence, paintball changed my life and now I am CEO of the company behind this very blog. And to think, it all started in Middle School, with nothing but a $125 paintball marker, and a sport that demands action to be taken…

The post Sports Create Leaders, Leaders Create Success! appeared first on iLookin.com.

Studies indicate that you will know if you want to be friends with someone or not within 2 minutes of meeting them. This applies to other various scenarios. Think about this: if you can tell in 2 minutes whether you like someone or not (hence the term, “first impressions”), that seems to imply that though you are not giving them the opportunity to show who they are as a person (and remember, you may still become friends!), you can technically judge a book by its cover. Let’s summarize this.

Appearance Is 80%

     Ever meet someone that you just know is not a good person? Ever watch a talk show and know if the person is lying or not? It is true that your appearance says a lot about who you are. Remember that our personalities often project themselves into our physical appearance. If you are a risk-taker, things like visible tattoos or accessories like chains indicate a person’s dangerous (and probably careless) personality. That is the only example I can think of here, but there is more to the equation than simply outer appearance.

Body Language

You can tell everything about a person by studying their body posture. Confidence is denoted with proud shoulders; shyness is indicative when you walk with your hands touching your sides rather than extending out the standard 2-3 inches; someone whose vocal tone shifts in pitch or frequency can expose a liar. Body language is 80% more important for the way you judge someone, and only 20% is based on the actual contact you have with said individual. An example is someone who talks fast (this indicates confidence and creativity!)

Books Can Be Judged

In summary, you can judge a book by its cover, and that is not a bad thing. Remember that we all possess a primordial brain structure (often referred to as the “reptilian brain” because it is basic to the point of an alligator or a snake) that functions on instinct. Often you will hear that someone (including you) experiences “red flags” or warning bells when in a certain situation or around a certain person, yet there is no direct research on this topic. However, it can be insinuated that this is based on our mind’s ability to tell just everything about a person by mere appearance, vocal patterns, the wording they use, and body posture.

Don’t Write Them Off!

This is not to say that you should live by this principle. Learn to ignore the occasional perception of someone and give them a chance to show who they really are. Remember that a visible tattoo can indicate danger…but it can also indicate success (successful people are perhaps the only individuals who are established enough to get a visible tattoo, as they work for themselves and have no one to impress). High pitch in voice can mean that person is lying…or it can simply be a personality trait that was passed on by family or that person’s peers. Recognize that yes, you can judge a book by its cover, but you do need to read at least a couple of pages before deciding not to buy it!

The post Judging A Book By Its Cover Might Save Your Life appeared first on iLookin.com.

…1) discussions of the oncoming telehealth invasion, and 2) the notion that Life Coaches are taking everybody’s business away from them! There’s reasons for this…First, let us define the two.

Therapy

Traditional therapy is what most Psychologists studied to become. In a comfortable setting, you disclose your troubles, issues, and even sometimes the occasional “good thing” to a trained professional. That trained professional then asks questions and analyzes the reasons for why something is, or how to improve upon it. Therapists, on average, charge between $75 to $200, and insurance can cover much of it.

Coaching

Life Coaching is a new breed of help and relies less on psychological principles and more on motivational upkeep. In other words, Coaching is therapy but without the degree! This is what has caused a lot of debate among the psychology world, as Coaches seem to be less of a stigma (no one ever wants to admit they are in therapy, but seeing a Life Coach is just fine, right?) and cost around the same amount. The difference, however, is that you are paying someone who is usually not trained, and may be certified through an organization that (and let’s face facts) is not really based on anything.

How do you decide?

You have to ask yourself a very simple question: what is your purpose here? Are you trying to deal with a major issue such as getting over a recent death, a job loss, or a break-up? Or are you seeking personal development, or simply wish to better yourself? I guarantee you, a lot of people go to Life Coaches with the same problems they should be going to a therapist for, and they will get conflicting advice. That is because if you see a Therapist, you are speaking with someone who has at least ten years of Graduate school to back them up.

A Life Coach, however, only has that credential issued from the International Coaching Federation or the International Association of Coaches (both of which are the leading organizations behind Coaching certifications, but from my perspective – as a Life Coach – I do not see why you would even bother in getting certified). This means that a Coach (though probably better at helping you improve yourself) is not going to be as inclined to assist your problems from a psychological standpoint.

Trying Both

The best advice is to try both therapy and Coaching. As a Life Coach, I usually end up recommending a lot of people for therapy over my services, even when I can make a profit. This is because I am an ethical individual, but many Coaches are not. If you want my honest advice, therapy first, then try a Coach if the setting does not suit you. Coaching can be useful in the right hands! Just make sure you shake that hand before committing to a 3-month intensive coaching package…

The post Therapy Versus Coaching: Which Is Right For You? appeared first on iLookin.com.

But what is a 1, 5, or even 10 -year plan? It is a goal you have for yourself in future-tense. If you want to be a doctor, you need to have a 1-year plan (what school to attend), a 5-year plan (graduating with a Bachelor’s, attending Grad school) and a 10-year plan (graduating from Medical School and getting your first job). By setting these kinds of goals, you can plan the “in-between” moments a lot more fluently.

Where do you start?

For sake of argument, let us limit this to a discussion about 5-year plans, which are the most common variation. It is easier than it sounds: pick a goal to work toward (or several), and declare that within 5 years, you will be at that point! It is often best to have multiple goals at once to avoid repetition (i.e. you might want to separate relationship goals and career goals), as otherwise you focus too much on one end of life’s spectrum and forget that, while working toward that 5-year career goal, there is more than the career in question that should occur.

For instance, you give yourself the goal of moving out of your parents’ house in 5 years. How do you get there? And how does your relationship with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) fit into the mix? Will they deter your progress toward living alone, or are they in the picture? This is why it is best to separate the two, to avoid skipping over what may be an essential part of your life. In this case, say that over 5 years you will maintain the relationship and move in with that individual together.

Planning your 5 years

Begin by asking yourself a simple question: “How do I move into my own place when I don’t have any money?” Well, that is the point of a 5-year plan: taking a long-term goal and figuring out how to get there! Every goal has steps, and in this scenario, you have two options that seem the most plausible: 1) go to school, get a degree, and get a job, or b) immediately begin working and save up.

To be honest, either of these options would work, but weigh each option of your 5-year plan for validity. If you got a job now, working minimum wage and long hours, would you be able to save up enough in five years to live on your own? Also, consider factors such as, do you currently have any expenses or future debts that may interfere with saving up? Next, examine the pros and cons of both decisions. If you get a degree (though it may take up 4 of the 5 years of your plan) you stand a much better chance at getting a career going, and would have much more potential for job security and advancement. This is key to a 5-year plan: finding solutions to the primary goal.

The SMART Method

You want to make sure to plan well, but not to overdo it. Use the SMART Method (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-Oriented) and realize that overpreparing is just as bad as under-preparing. It is called, “eliminating waste,” and it means limiting your plan to realistic goals.that you know are possible. Some may think playing the lottery every day will give them good odds at winning sometime in that 5-year period, but at the same time, that is not really following the SMART method! Sure, you could win millions, but what gives you a better chance: a degree and a career, or luck?

This does not mean do not play the lottery. If you spend $2 a day on a lotto ticket, I cannot really judge you, and who knows? You may win! But the point of this argument is, do not rely solely on one method to get from Point A to Point B. Sometimes there are multiple ways to achieve a long-term goal, but you must be smart about it. Do not throw all of your money into the lotto, or the next “get rich quick” scheme, but do not avoid the opportunity either (see our blog on opportunities). 

Try It Out!

So, start mapping out your future in increments. Take some paper and start drawing out the next 5 years of your life. Let us know how it goes, and keep us posted on your progress. What is your 5-year goal? How will you achieve it? And what is your 10-year-goal? Let us know!

@iLookin1

The post Setting Yourself Up For Success: 5 Year Plans appeared first on iLookin.com.

Rather, it is because I have come to realize that this company has been a self-proclaimed internship, sponsored by the lovely group of investors we have so rapidly acquired. Why has this been the experience of a lifetime? It is because of you – all of you – who have made the company a success. I have learned so much from all of you, and have cherished the moments since we met. This company started in 2015. That’s almost three years of blood, sweat, and tears put into a company that began as a single, one-page document outlining an idea I had.

It Was Originally Called…

There is a funny story behind the name, iLookin. We started off calling this company “PEPChat,” but upon searching for domain names we came to realize that PEPChat.com was already taken by a pornographic website (you read correctly). Why they would need the name “PEPChat” is beyond our cognizance, however, we had to switch directions and call it “iLookin.” From that point onward, we pushed hard – harder than I have ever had to push myself.

Positive Psychology

Because this company was founded on the principles of positive psychology, it took a lot of hard work to maintain this identity. Positive psychology is the practice of therapy and counseling but focusing on a more humanistic appeasement. In other words, whereas a psychologist will tell you to take medication to cure depression, positive psychologists would give you instructions on how to handle depression without the need for medication. Does that mean that individual does not legitimately need medication? Nope. That person might rightfully need medication, but this is beside the point.

An Internship To Remember

When I first met Meg and Fran, of whom I partnered with around July of 2015, I had no idea where this ride would take me. We found the development team; we began putting together the content you find in the “Goals” section; we formulated our marketing strategy. Having owned and operated numerous companies in my past, I have to say that this was the first glimpse of a real company. We had an accountant; we had an attorney; we had therapists, psychologists, and everything in between. It became less of a job and more of an internship for me. I would love to say that this company stands for something more, but to me, it is solely based on experience, which is something iLookin.com promotes – experience is essential to a good life, and balance comes from the ability to take risks and try new things.

The Point?

The point of this blog entry is the following: take chances, post on LinkedIn your ideas for a new company, product, or service, and know that success is easy to attain. You just have to trust your instincts and be willing to expose yourself in a way like never before. This company saved my life by providing me a new outlook on things, a new perspective to cherish, and knowing that two psychologists saw potential not only in the idea of iLookin.com but also in me. To see potential in someone is a powerful thing, yes, but to take action to prove that potential is another story, and if done right, it will leave you breathless…

Continue onto www.iLookin.com and see it how I see it: it isn’t just a website; it’s an opportunity come true.

The post This Company Saved My Life (Quite Literally) appeared first on iLookin.com.

    …the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making) is not fully developed yet. Yet they still let you decide a career path before you have time to realize what you truly wish to accomplish in life. If you want to be a doctor, understand that by the time you finish with 10 years of school you may have lost all interest in helping others; if you want to be an engineer, are you capable of performing such a task? By that I mean: just because you want to be an engineer does not mean you are built to be one. We all have different skills and talents, and I am here to tell you that education is not what you may think. You will learn just enough in college to get by.

Are You Capable Of This?

The question is not if you are capable or not. But the fact is, the degree is not going to guarantee you a job, or a career, or even the gaining of new information! Schools prepare you for the basics of whatever it is you are going into. Using the above example, a degree in engineering may get your foot in the door of a potential employer, but also take into consideration that you are competing against others who most likely have real-world experience (and that is the point of this blog). You may not be cut out to be an engineer, but how would you ever know if you are or are not? That is where a concept I coined comes into play: The Extracurricular Method.

The Extracurricular Method

The Extracurricular Method was coined by the author (Ryan W. McClellan) in 2014 on the way back from a guest lecture at a local multimedia development school. The students were being taught how to build video games, yet when asked if they knew how to get a job based on that knowledge, the room grew cold and dry. The idea of the method is more of a belief. I believe all schools should gravitate less toward preparing their students for college and instead direct their attention toward teaching all of the basics required to land an actual job so that the student can grow it into a career. This includes writing a proper resume, learning how to network effectively, interview skills, communication skills, and providing and facilitating an overall sense of confidence about their decision.

Do Your Research!

It also means doing some research, which is something many students do not do when exiting high school and transitioning into college. A rough 90 percent of Psychology graduates stop at the Bachelor’s level, which will provide you a wonderful career at an esteemed car wash or a Smoothie King. There is an actual statistic, and you can Google it if you do not believe me: 90 percent of Psychology graduates (not just those at the Bachelor’s level, but even those who pursue a Doctorate) in the State of California work at car washes, hence the example! The point is if you are looking for a degree in Psychology you should have the right to know stuff like that. But most parents, teachers, and advisors are so caught up in getting you into college that they forget to tell you about all of the intricacies that come with it.

A Wise Man Once Said…

Mark Twain once said, “Don’t let school interfere with your education.” In other words, realize that school is just one process in the cycle of learning and obtaining knowledge. I dropped out of high school when I was seventeen, and within six months I had started my first business, designing websites and promoting MySpace accounts for musicians and artists. Though I spent much longer than one year between what is the equivocacy of graduation and attending college (which I am currently in now), imagine what can be learned in as simple as a year’s time.

About To Start College?

Here are some iLookin.com tips for you upcoming college-goers:

• Write a list of ten keywords of things that interest you
  

  This can be anything from “nature” to “dentistry,” and will give you ten keywords to use when looking up an occupation. If you want to enter college knowing where you are headed (see our article on the importance of 5-year plans by clicking here), you need to do some research on the potential careers you plan on pursuing.

• Look up your keywords online and see what’s out there

  Now that you have a list of ten keywords, start searching databases such as the Bureau of Labor Statistics for information on a given career. Or, Google the keyword and add “job opportunities” or “possible jobs”. This will give you a nice and clear idea of what each interest of yours can lead to as far as a career pathway.

• Narrow your list of ten keywords down to 3 after researching

  What three keywords gave you the most interesting job prospects? Which are in line with your 1-year, 3-year, and 5-year plan? Does one require additional education such as Graduate school, but offers about the same salary and personal benefit as a career where all you need is a Bachelor’s? Consider these factors!

   

  

• Most importantly, do what you are good at – not what you love

  A friend of mine (Corey Taylor – frontman for the bands Slipknot and Stone Sour, as well as an award-winning author and musician) lectured at Oxford University a few years back. He said something that, though mere opinion and not based on life experience, caught my attention and it should catch yours, too. He said, “Do what you are good at, not what you love. If you do things right, you will learn to love what you are good at!” In other words, you may love music but have a keen eye for helping others. Do you choose to study Music, or do you instead focus on Social Work or a career in Psychology or Health Sciences? In the end, the choice is yours.

In Conclusion

Don’t let your desire for a degree put you in a bad position. Give yourself some time before entering college so you can discover who you are and what you are good at. And always remember that even just having a Bachelor’s degree in anything is often enough to get you hired. A 2016 survey discovered that only 25 percent of college graduates are working in a field that is even close to what they majored in. The world is your oyster, and you love seafood! Go get ’em!

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What About The Other 98 Percent?

How Do I Become A 2 Percent Elite?

How Do I Get Started?

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