Why do I word it so harshly? It is a simple answer after all: because “passing away” leaves one left in the grip of denial, whereas accepting that death is a natural part of life brings you closer to those you have lost. Unfortunately, we will all experience the process of death, but an astounding amount of people barely understand it. This is because most of us grow up hearing fluff words: “Oh, he/she passed away,” or “They are no longer with us.” When I was a child my grandfather passed away, and it took me three days before I even heard the word, “Death,” and it was ironically the mention of such a word that brought me back to reality.

Fear of Immortality

Benjamin Franklin once said: “Fear not death, for the sooner we die, the longer we shall be immortal.” And is that not the truth? Though this does not mean pursue damaging or neglectful behaviors, it does show that for as long as time remembers, death has been seen as an enemy rather than a natural process of life. When someone ceases to live (again, I use a euphemism – don’t ever do that) they are following a natural order of life and death. Though it is painful, that is the point.

Think about it. What brings us closer to the idea of life than witnessing death? What thrusts us further into the light than the darkness that waits around every corner? Any second could be our last, but that thought should not scare us. Rather, it should invigorate us. To die means you have lived, and that is where I bring up the concept of reverence. If we can accept without fear that death is going to occur one day, perhaps we can live better lives knowing that our last moment could be any second.

Don’t Lose Them

They say there are five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.

I disagree, because there is a sixth step, and that sixth step keeps our loved ones alive even in death. I call it “reverence,” which is merely a spiritual way of saying, “honoring.” When my family member slipped into death, everybody crept around the idea of mentioning him. It seemed almost as if everybody was so viscerally consumed in preparing for the funeral (ironically a marker of a person’s life consumes us to the point where we forget to think about the dead in question).

However, it was after the funeral that we met at the loved one’s home and we began to share our stories. And through tears, laughter, smiles, frowns, and a whirlwind of other emotions, we were able to slip from denial to acceptance – almost bypassing the three steps in between. Does this mean that perhaps we can find a way to lose less of the dead simply by talking about them? I do think this is the case. You see, when one dies they are not gone; you do not have to be religious or spiritual for this to make sense. Your memories, thoughts, and – if you are lucky enough to have had them – stories about that person are there to keep them alive, even in death.

Wise Words

Hunter Patch Adams was a well-known doctor, and was portrayed in the film: “Patch Adams” by Robin Williams. He was most known for treating the ill at his home, visiting hospitals with no intention other than to cheer up those in need and in pain, and for the true-to-life speech he gave when finally accused of practicing medicine without the proper licensing. When asked what he would have done if someone had died under his care, he responded quaintly: “What’s wrong with death? What are we so mortally afraid of?” And he is right in saying, “Why can’t we treat death with a sense of dignity and integrity and God forbid, maybe even humor?”

In other words, we worry so much about avoiding death that we forget to enjoy the time in between. We have one life to live, and we must make the most of it. When you are on your death bed, ask yourself – right now – what you would want. There is a saying that circles around Workaholics Anonymous meetings: “No one is ever on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at work.” What would you die for, and what would you like to be remembered for?

I Bid Farewell

So to Nick Mesa, I bid farewell. I wish I had known you better, but even in death your spirit will always breathe through the loving memories of those who cared about you (including the hundred or so people who flew in from all across the country to attend your funeral). Though I have little recollection of ever knowing you, loving with you, crying with you, or even something as simple as talking to you, I do know one thing (and it is the only thing I need): I love you.

The post My Story On Grieving: The Process Revealed appeared first on iLookin.com.

I remember buying my first gun (from this point onward, I will call them “markers” – which is the correct terminology) and my first game. I will never forget that day, for it was not only the beginning of something great; it was also the day I began my progression toward a confident, proud and wonderful life. And it is not just paintball; it is every sport. They promote teamwork, leadership, communication, and so much more!

The Science

(The following is borrowed from MUHealth.org)

Many athletes do better academically.
Playing a sport requires a lot of time and energy. Some may think this would distract student-athletes from schoolwork. However, the opposite is true. Sports require memorization, repetition, and learning — skillsets that are directly relevant to classwork. Also, the determination and goal-setting skills sports require can be transferred to the classroom.

Sports teach teamwork and help achieve goals. 
Fighting for a common goal with a host of other players, coaches, managers and community members teaches you how to build a collective team synergy and effectively communicate the best way to solve problems en route to a victory. This will be very helpful in life when encountering problems at work, at home, or in any arena.

Sports offer many health benefits, some less obvious.
Clearly, sports will improve your fitness and weight goals. However, they also encourage healthy decisions such as not smoking or drinking and offer hidden health benefits such as a lower chance of getting osteoporosis or breast cancer later in life. Also, a team counting on you to show up and work hard is plenty of motivation for you to get to the gym day in and day out.

Sports boost self-esteem. 
Watching your hard work pay off and achieving your dreams brings about tons of self-confidence. If you can achieve something in a sport or with a fitness goal, then you know you can achieve any other goal you set. This is a very rewarding and exciting process.

Playing a sport cuts down on pressure and stress.
Exercising is a natural way to loosen up and let go of stress. Also, you will most likely make many new friends on the team who can be there for you as a support system. When you find you are having a lot of stress, you can call up teammates and head to the gym to talk it out and play it out.

What I Learned

Two years into recreational paintball, I began playing tournament paintball, which retired itself for several years before making a recent comeback. This is not the kind of paintball where you find yourself crawling around in the woods. I am talking about 2,000 paintballs in the air at any given time, markers blasting up to 14 paintballs a second, and a simple objective: eliminate the opposing team, and grab their flag. Though so many people seem to have this negative connotation of paintball as a “war game,” the truth of the matter is it is just as much of a sport as football. Studies even indicate that there are more accidents involving golf than there are in paintball!

Leadership

I was always forming teams to play with weekly, and we competed in numerous tournaments over several years. We became a Semi-Pro team, and that is where the learning began. When you enter tournament paintball, you are signing on the dotted line to commit yourself fully to the sport; that is just how the environment of tournament paintball works. Always being the team captain provided me with a skill I was never very good at: leadership. My job was to strategize the location of each team member, their job, what bunker to cover, what obstacle to jump over, what lane (a spot between bunkers where you are in the open) to lay paintballs onto…it became second nature.

Communication

Paintball relies on constant communication. You must be in tune with your teammates, and I have theorized that of all the sports in existence, paintball is the one where communication begets success. You tell someone to move up one bunker, and suddenly you are now responsible for them. But that is what good comes from it: imagine the feeling you get when you send someone into the gut of the beast, only to see them succeed by taking out the entire opposing team…and though they are credited with the success, it was you who initiated it. This is true of many sports, though when you look at the standard sport such as football or soccer, there is very little chit-chat.

Teamwork

Teamwork is essential in today’s world. A marketing executive relies on his team to come up with the next great idea. If we were all alone in our decisions – whether business or personal – we would never progress. From paintball (and this goes for all other team-oriented sports and activities) I learned the value of working together. Take the above example of telling a teammate when to move up one slot on the field. You are all working toward a common goal: to win the match, but to do that you have to know where the opposition is; you need to know when to move because someone has to lay down cover for you. These are just a few examples of how teamwork can be taught through sports.

Confidence

Before paintball, I was a shy kid. After ten years with the sport, I ended up owning my high school on both an academic and social level. It was almost ethereal, though in retrospect I realize that this sense of pride and confidence (something most individuals in high school lack) did not just appear; it was conditioned. There are moments where I can recall my exact moves during a paintball match, and recalling the successes (and equally, the failures) puts a smile on my face. This is the case with sports and activities: they promote a feeling of high self-worth. You shoot out an enemy player and you get a feeling of accomplishment; you successfully pass the football and make the winning touchdown, and you jump for joy. Sports are the epicenter of confidence!

Conclusion

I believe every adolescent should embark on a voyage of self-discovery in whatever manner they choose. However, I do feel that sports and activities that require the above facets are the reasons why the underdog becomes a leader. 75 percent of Fortune 500 company CEOs believe that physical activity (among them, sports) is one of the most important factors for success, and some even attribute it as the very cause of their success in the first place. In essence, paintball changed my life and now I am CEO of the company behind this very blog. And to think, it all started in Middle School, with nothing but a $125 paintball marker, and a sport that demands action to be taken…

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Studies indicate that you will know if you want to be friends with someone or not within 2 minutes of meeting them. This applies to other various scenarios. Think about this: if you can tell in 2 minutes whether you like someone or not (hence the term, “first impressions”), that seems to imply that though you are not giving them the opportunity to show who they are as a person (and remember, you may still become friends!), you can technically judge a book by its cover. Let’s summarize this.

Appearance Is 80%

     Ever meet someone that you just know is not a good person? Ever watch a talk show and know if the person is lying or not? It is true that your appearance says a lot about who you are. Remember that our personalities often project themselves into our physical appearance. If you are a risk-taker, things like visible tattoos or accessories like chains indicate a person’s dangerous (and probably careless) personality. That is the only example I can think of here, but there is more to the equation than simply outer appearance.

Body Language

You can tell everything about a person by studying their body posture. Confidence is denoted with proud shoulders; shyness is indicative when you walk with your hands touching your sides rather than extending out the standard 2-3 inches; someone whose vocal tone shifts in pitch or frequency can expose a liar. Body language is 80% more important for the way you judge someone, and only 20% is based on the actual contact you have with said individual. An example is someone who talks fast (this indicates confidence and creativity!)

Books Can Be Judged

In summary, you can judge a book by its cover, and that is not a bad thing. Remember that we all possess a primordial brain structure (often referred to as the “reptilian brain” because it is basic to the point of an alligator or a snake) that functions on instinct. Often you will hear that someone (including you) experiences “red flags” or warning bells when in a certain situation or around a certain person, yet there is no direct research on this topic. However, it can be insinuated that this is based on our mind’s ability to tell just everything about a person by mere appearance, vocal patterns, the wording they use, and body posture.

Don’t Write Them Off!

This is not to say that you should live by this principle. Learn to ignore the occasional perception of someone and give them a chance to show who they really are. Remember that a visible tattoo can indicate danger…but it can also indicate success (successful people are perhaps the only individuals who are established enough to get a visible tattoo, as they work for themselves and have no one to impress). High pitch in voice can mean that person is lying…or it can simply be a personality trait that was passed on by family or that person’s peers. Recognize that yes, you can judge a book by its cover, but you do need to read at least a couple of pages before deciding not to buy it!

The post Judging A Book By Its Cover Might Save Your Life appeared first on iLookin.com.

Rather, it is because I have come to realize that this company has been a self-proclaimed internship, sponsored by the lovely group of investors we have so rapidly acquired. Why has this been the experience of a lifetime? It is because of you – all of you – who have made the company a success. I have learned so much from all of you, and have cherished the moments since we met. This company started in 2015. That’s almost three years of blood, sweat, and tears put into a company that began as a single, one-page document outlining an idea I had.

It Was Originally Called…

There is a funny story behind the name, iLookin. We started off calling this company “PEPChat,” but upon searching for domain names we came to realize that PEPChat.com was already taken by a pornographic website (you read correctly). Why they would need the name “PEPChat” is beyond our cognizance, however, we had to switch directions and call it “iLookin.” From that point onward, we pushed hard – harder than I have ever had to push myself.

Positive Psychology

Because this company was founded on the principles of positive psychology, it took a lot of hard work to maintain this identity. Positive psychology is the practice of therapy and counseling but focusing on a more humanistic appeasement. In other words, whereas a psychologist will tell you to take medication to cure depression, positive psychologists would give you instructions on how to handle depression without the need for medication. Does that mean that individual does not legitimately need medication? Nope. That person might rightfully need medication, but this is beside the point.

An Internship To Remember

When I first met Meg and Fran, of whom I partnered with around July of 2015, I had no idea where this ride would take me. We found the development team; we began putting together the content you find in the “Goals” section; we formulated our marketing strategy. Having owned and operated numerous companies in my past, I have to say that this was the first glimpse of a real company. We had an accountant; we had an attorney; we had therapists, psychologists, and everything in between. It became less of a job and more of an internship for me. I would love to say that this company stands for something more, but to me, it is solely based on experience, which is something iLookin.com promotes – experience is essential to a good life, and balance comes from the ability to take risks and try new things.

The Point?

The point of this blog entry is the following: take chances, post on LinkedIn your ideas for a new company, product, or service, and know that success is easy to attain. You just have to trust your instincts and be willing to expose yourself in a way like never before. This company saved my life by providing me a new outlook on things, a new perspective to cherish, and knowing that two psychologists saw potential not only in the idea of iLookin.com but also in me. To see potential in someone is a powerful thing, yes, but to take action to prove that potential is another story, and if done right, it will leave you breathless…

Continue onto www.iLookin.com and see it how I see it: it isn’t just a website; it’s an opportunity come true.

The post This Company Saved My Life (Quite Literally) appeared first on iLookin.com.

    …the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making) is not fully developed yet. Yet they still let you decide a career path before you have time to realize what you truly wish to accomplish in life. If you want to be a doctor, understand that by the time you finish with 10 years of school you may have lost all interest in helping others; if you want to be an engineer, are you capable of performing such a task? By that I mean: just because you want to be an engineer does not mean you are built to be one. We all have different skills and talents, and I am here to tell you that education is not what you may think. You will learn just enough in college to get by.

Are You Capable Of This?

The question is not if you are capable or not. But the fact is, the degree is not going to guarantee you a job, or a career, or even the gaining of new information! Schools prepare you for the basics of whatever it is you are going into. Using the above example, a degree in engineering may get your foot in the door of a potential employer, but also take into consideration that you are competing against others who most likely have real-world experience (and that is the point of this blog). You may not be cut out to be an engineer, but how would you ever know if you are or are not? That is where a concept I coined comes into play: The Extracurricular Method.

The Extracurricular Method

The Extracurricular Method was coined by the author (Ryan W. McClellan) in 2014 on the way back from a guest lecture at a local multimedia development school. The students were being taught how to build video games, yet when asked if they knew how to get a job based on that knowledge, the room grew cold and dry. The idea of the method is more of a belief. I believe all schools should gravitate less toward preparing their students for college and instead direct their attention toward teaching all of the basics required to land an actual job so that the student can grow it into a career. This includes writing a proper resume, learning how to network effectively, interview skills, communication skills, and providing and facilitating an overall sense of confidence about their decision.

Do Your Research!

It also means doing some research, which is something many students do not do when exiting high school and transitioning into college. A rough 90 percent of Psychology graduates stop at the Bachelor’s level, which will provide you a wonderful career at an esteemed car wash or a Smoothie King. There is an actual statistic, and you can Google it if you do not believe me: 90 percent of Psychology graduates (not just those at the Bachelor’s level, but even those who pursue a Doctorate) in the State of California work at car washes, hence the example! The point is if you are looking for a degree in Psychology you should have the right to know stuff like that. But most parents, teachers, and advisors are so caught up in getting you into college that they forget to tell you about all of the intricacies that come with it.

A Wise Man Once Said…

Mark Twain once said, “Don’t let school interfere with your education.” In other words, realize that school is just one process in the cycle of learning and obtaining knowledge. I dropped out of high school when I was seventeen, and within six months I had started my first business, designing websites and promoting MySpace accounts for musicians and artists. Though I spent much longer than one year between what is the equivocacy of graduation and attending college (which I am currently in now), imagine what can be learned in as simple as a year’s time.

About To Start College?

Here are some iLookin.com tips for you upcoming college-goers:

• Write a list of ten keywords of things that interest you
  

  This can be anything from “nature” to “dentistry,” and will give you ten keywords to use when looking up an occupation. If you want to enter college knowing where you are headed (see our article on the importance of 5-year plans by clicking here), you need to do some research on the potential careers you plan on pursuing.

• Look up your keywords online and see what’s out there

  Now that you have a list of ten keywords, start searching databases such as the Bureau of Labor Statistics for information on a given career. Or, Google the keyword and add “job opportunities” or “possible jobs”. This will give you a nice and clear idea of what each interest of yours can lead to as far as a career pathway.

• Narrow your list of ten keywords down to 3 after researching

  What three keywords gave you the most interesting job prospects? Which are in line with your 1-year, 3-year, and 5-year plan? Does one require additional education such as Graduate school, but offers about the same salary and personal benefit as a career where all you need is a Bachelor’s? Consider these factors!

   

  

• Most importantly, do what you are good at – not what you love

  A friend of mine (Corey Taylor – frontman for the bands Slipknot and Stone Sour, as well as an award-winning author and musician) lectured at Oxford University a few years back. He said something that, though mere opinion and not based on life experience, caught my attention and it should catch yours, too. He said, “Do what you are good at, not what you love. If you do things right, you will learn to love what you are good at!” In other words, you may love music but have a keen eye for helping others. Do you choose to study Music, or do you instead focus on Social Work or a career in Psychology or Health Sciences? In the end, the choice is yours.

In Conclusion

Don’t let your desire for a degree put you in a bad position. Give yourself some time before entering college so you can discover who you are and what you are good at. And always remember that even just having a Bachelor’s degree in anything is often enough to get you hired. A 2016 survey discovered that only 25 percent of college graduates are working in a field that is even close to what they majored in. The world is your oyster, and you love seafood! Go get ’em!

The post Before Getting That Degree, Prepare For It! appeared first on iLookin.com.

I will not proceed by explaining everything he told me. However, I will say this: I took his advice and began to say “yes” to every opportunity available to me. If a friend asked me to join a new school club (even one based on a topic of little interest to me), I would agree to it. I would soon find that by the third day of attending club meetings, I had met at least ten new faces (and in turn, gained ten new prospects for my life coaching business). Though the club itself was nothing of interest, nor did I learn anything from it, I said “yes,” and an opportunity presented itself in a very visceral manner (I still see two of those ten students I had met, and they are now paying clients of mine).

When You Say No…

When you say “no” to something, you negate its potential as an opportunity. Here is a good example: you are at a party and you notice across the room, a man who has had way too much to drink. The party continues until midnight, and before you know it you are one of the only people still there. A friend of the man you noticed approaches you and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but my friend has had way too much to drink. I don’t have enough room in my car to seat him, and he could always take a cab….”

That is where you should cut the man off and offer to take the individual home instead. Do you know why? It is because that man, though belligerently drunk, may have something of value for you. It is called the Rule of Reciprocity (do a favor for someone and on an almost instinctive level, they will pay you back tenfold), and it means that you are doing two people here a favor: the friend, and the drunken stranger. Now, it gets interesting when you say yes to the opportunity because, on the ride to his home, you end up discussing career paths.

The next morning, you receive a call from the man (let’s call him James), offering you a job as an assistant at a very refutable law firm…

Before Saying Yes…

Though saying yes to opportunities is a great way to meet new people, experience life to a fuller extent, and so much more, there is, of course, inherent risk. In the above scenario, you were far from danger; there were others around, and it involved two parties, both of whom were well-mannered and only one of them posed a threat (which would have been maximized to the extent of him vomiting in your back seat). Now, if you decide to offer a complete stranger a ride somewhere, I advise you to assess the amount of danger before agreeing to it.

The point is to recognize red flags when you see them! A stranger at a party is different than a stranger on a random street corner. Assess the situation before you agree to it, and realize that saying “no” to an opportunity is okay, too. Just make sure that the potential pros heavily outweigh the potential cons. Say “yes” to scenarios that are safe enough to act on. When in doubt, say “no” and do not regret it!

In Conclusion

The power of saying “yes” to opportunities is essential to success. There is a concept called the Two Percent Mindset, which you can read about on our blog post found here. To be part of the two percent of people who account for over 80 percent of the world’s profit, you must begin by leaving your comfort zone and saying “yes” (even when you do not wish to, as it may lead to something wonderful…)

The post The Power Of Saying “Yes” To Opportunities appeared first on iLookin.com.

They say reverse psychology works in mysterious ways, so let’s try something new. Instead of posting 5 steps to success like everybody else, I am instead going to tell you the way not to be a success, and hope it allows the cerebellum to replicate a few brain cells this evening.

Step 1: Avoid entropy at all costs.

    If you want to be unsuccessful, you have to learn to obey the rules and remain obedient to the way others do things. In other words, always follow and never lead. Leaders are often extroverted, arrogant individuals who, more often than not, account for only around 2% of the population (see our post on the 2% Mindset) but accomplish in resolving (and creating) 90% of the world’s problems and solutions combined. At all costs, do not disrupt the establishment; it will only lead to being a part of that 2%, and who wants that? Remain quiet at all costs!

Step 2: Believe that success is hard.

Did you know that success is hard? Of course, ou did. But many people – strong, individualistic and militant-minded people – know the truth, which is that success is easy. If you want something that is hard, try remembering every state’s location on a map. Go nuts. The truth is, success is an easy thing to grasp; all you have to do is trust your gut and do it with great urgency. But of course, no one wants that. To be a part of the few who believe success is attainable even under the worst circumstances is to be a part of the “out” crowd, right?

Step 3: Give up when the going gets tough.

When the stink hits the fan, some people run and some people stay. By all means, grab your s**t and run! This is the best way to be unsuccessful, and probably the easiest one, too. It basically involves giving up when the exertion of life is too much to tolerate. Those who put up with that which is tough, often end up proving even themselves wrong (or right), and who wants the risk of such uncertainty? You better start running, or you may be successful next time you stand up to a problem and face it like a man!

Step 4: Know when it is time to shut your mouth.

    All great leaders have one thing in common: they are persistent. If that means never stopping and never silencing, they will do just that. A quitter (like what we want to accomplish based on this blog, in conjunction with the 2% Mindset theory). To be unsuccessful, do the right thing and keep your mouth shut – even when you know something is wrong! You must not allow yourself to speak your mind; your voice is not meant to be heard. You are meant to be ordered around and not only walked on, but quite literally walked over. Otherwise, you’re part of that two percent of successful people we talked about. You don’t want that greatness, now do you?

Step 5: Accept your limitations.

    Last but not least, accept you are only human and are limited in your abilities Otherwise, you will push yourself to progress to greater heights, and you will also learn that it is not only easy to do but also rather fun to accomplish! Who wants that? If you do, then check out our website and make sure to sign up for a few courses, as they teach how to be a successful person. Otherwise, stay away from that website, because once you start, you won’t be able to stop until you are a successful person!

    Take care.

#ReversePsychology.

The post 5 Steps To Avoid Success (Don’t Take Them) appeared first on iLookin.com.